Zombie Apocalypse: Never Die Alone Review

Stop me if you’ve heard this before. An unlikely quartet of stranded survivors finds itself fighting off an unexplained undead horde. The gang, packing serious heat, attempts to escape the clutches of rotting corpses by sea and air, but they’ll need to slaughter their way to safety first. Oh, and it’s a top-down, twin-stick shooter. Bored yet?

Actually, don’t be. The setup for Zombie Apocalypse: Never Die Alone is deliberately by-the-numbers; its cliche setup is a parody that quickly spirals into a full-on comedy. In a shocking twist, the hilarity does not come at the expense of the gameplay. If you’re a zombie nerd, hip to the internet, or just love a crude joke, so much the better.


Our four heroes are far more memorable than the blank-slate chumps from the first Zombie Apocalypse. Father Bill, a man of the cloth doing God’s work with a shotgun, joins Alma the sassy sniper, profane British rapper Def Money, and a pompous pro gamer called Jeremy. The humble priest and keep-it-cool lady play well into the hands of the other two characters’ extreme behaviors. Jeremy is the manifestation of every online commenter we love to hate, complete with a limited vocabulary. (“Less qq, more pew pew!”) He’s also trolls his teammates constantly for being noobs and not having fun with the zombocalypse. Def Money’s accented anger often escalates into narcissistic pride before he brings himself down with self-deprecating commentary. His insecurity is adorable.

From start to finish, the crew never stops talking. Somebody is always engaging another character, and the dialogue is hysterical. The writing is also sharp enough that it’s never irritating — not even Jeremy, who is an annoying idiot on purpose. Never Die Alone was worth my time if only to hear crass exchanges about getting high and faking orgasms. That it’s a solid sequel to its plain predecessor is just peachy.


The top-notch characterization carries over to each playable person’s abilities, too. Like the personalities, some are stronger than others when it comes to kicking ass. Def Money’s melee-centric special move compensates for his crummy dual-pistols and weak stats, so he’s easily the weakest link. If you’re playing online or couch co-op with others, do your best to play as anyone else. Jeremy’s machine-gun and quad-damage bonus are great for quick kills; Alma’s long range, piercing shots, and sentry turret special move are awesome, too. The priest is the one I relied on most, though, since his shotgun scatters groups, and his holy healing keeps everyone alive longer. In co-op, you play your role or your team suffers. In single-player, there are strategic reasons to swap from one character to the next. The A.I. teammates are pretty smart, too. It sucks when they bunch up near a boss, but they know how to shoot and will even collect cash drops so you don’t have to.

My main grudge against this is a returning problem. Some areas were too dark to see my character, and the chaos caused by chain-reaction explosions made the entire screen incomprehensible. Then I died. Sometimes the action goes a bit overboard. I have a low tolerance for games that make me restart entire stages based on last-minute failure. Never Die Alone did this to me a handful of times simply because I couldn’t tell what was happening. The vast majority of Never Die Alone, though, is great because it addresses the remaining criticisms hurled at Zombie Apocalypse.


I love that using the environment is still a viable means of mutilating shambling hordes. Contextual kills aren’t as pronounced this time around, which is perhaps why eviscerating enemies with propellers, street sweepers, and giant, swinging donuts is such fun each time. More importantly, Zombie Apocalypse expands its levels from boring ol’ arenas to lengthier, linear stages. It’s like twin-stick shooting your way through a tunnel. While this certainly highlights how straightforward and been-there this game is, it still makes worthwhile use of everything it employs. I still had to hold down smaller areas in a few spots, but the reasons for fending off waves of obese women and suicidal mechanics were enough to justify it — protecting a guy repairing a plane can get tense toward the end. The linear routes through, say, an electrical station or flaming trailer park often have objectives, too, so you’re not just jamming your right stick until everything is reduced to red puddles. Flipping switches and saving survivors are simple secondary tasks, but they lend the quick campaign the bits of variety necessary to stave off repetition.

At three hours, Never Die Alone is over before it has a chance to become boring. It’s even shorter if you’re shooting to complete each stage’s time-based challenges. These, on top of obliterating reanimated sorority girls and Hulk lookalikes, earn you extra cash for weapon upgrades. Even then, I ended up grinding earlier stages when I couldn’t cut it on the newest. None of this really bothered me, though. Zombie Apocalypse 2 is the kind of gaming fast food you’re secretly ashamed to enjoy — it might be shallow and kind of gross, but something about it keeps you coming back. Possibly harmful chemicals.